--- title: "ICYMI: \"Socially, she is not received\"" description: A frequent theater-goer and enthusiastic pedestrian in the 1860s, by the early 1880s – following the death of her husband – Regina Shober Gray was going out rarely, and only to the houses of relatives --- [Vita Brevis ](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org) # [ICYMI: "Socially, she is not received"](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received) Written by [Scott C. Steward](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/author/ssteward) | Jun 10, 2020 1:03:52 PM [**Author's note**: *This blog post originally appeared in* Vita Brevis *on 25 March 2016*.] Oscar Wilde by Sarony. Courtesy of Wikipedia.org A frequent theater-goer and enthusiastic pedestrian in the 1860s, by the early 1880s – following the death of her husband – [Regina Shober Gray](http://vita-brevis.org/2015/07/scope-gray-diary/) was going out rarely, and only to the houses of relatives and close friends. This does not mean that she lost her interest in the goings-on around Boston or, indeed, among the celebrated and notorious people of her day.[[1]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn1) **1 Beacon Hill Place, Boston, Wednesday, 8 February 1882**: Laura Howe[[2]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn2) has sent Mary[[3]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn3) a most humorous parody ‘After Oscar Wilde.’[[4]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn4) She says she and Harry [Richards] agreed that the only thing to be done with his book of poems was to burn it, that there were some pretty things amid the filth! The ‘Swinburne’[[5]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn5) School of poetry is certainly open to reprobation in the matter of good taste & pure morals! ‘Oscar’ has not been much lionized here – Dr. O. W. Holmes,[[6]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn6) to whom Wilde brought a letter from James Russell Lowell,[[7]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn7) gave him a dinner at Parker’s[[8]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn8) inviting literary & artistic men to meet him – and Mrs. Julia Ward Howe[[9]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn9) gave him a reception, which rather surprized us all. He bore with dignity & self-possession the mocking display & aesthetic dress of sunflowers & lilies by 60 Harvard students at his lecture. The young men made no disturbance, but their very presence in such guise was a tacit insult. Edith Newbold Jones, who would marry 'Teddie' Wharton in 1885, by Cooper. Courtesy of Wikipedia.org **Lenox, Thursday, 19 October 1882**: Last evening Mary & I paid Mrs. Wharton[[10]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn10) a visit, in her parlor. Poor woman, she lost her only sister last winter … and her husband is in an insane asylum – the insanity of physical disease & an uncontrolled temper. I feel for her the sincerest sympathy: she is so calm & self-restrained – and must have suffered much in life. **Monday, 23 October 1882**: Mrs. Marquand & dau[ghter], Miss Wharton[[11]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn11) & ‘Teddie,’[[12]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn12) and the Parkman Shaws are all who are left [*at the Grays’ hotel after a general exodus*]. Emilie Charlotte Le Breton (1853–1929), by marriage Mrs. Edward Langtry, was a celebrity of the period, recently seen in Boston. Mrs. Langtry by Van der Weyde. Courtesy of Wikimedia.org **Boston, Friday, 15 December 1882**: Her head is very beautiful and superbly set – the curve of neck & shoulder, lovely; legs and arms scrawny! [*Mrs. Gray was, after all, a doctor’s wife*.] Dr. Henry Bigelow[[13]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn13) says she is anatomically all at fault: poorly built! a practical criticism on a woman’s fascinations! Socially she is not received here or in New York[[14]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn14) – and is I hear much disappointed thereat. **Tuesday, 20 February 1883**: Katharine Loring[[15]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn15) made us a long & welcome call yesterday [*at the Grays’ new house at 7 Mount Vernon Place*]. We see so little of her now-a-days. Her invalid & orphaned friend Alice James,[[16]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn16) sister of Henry James[[17]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftn17) the litterateur, absorbs all her time, to the great loss of the rest of us. ### Notes [[1]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref1) All entries from the Hedwiga Regina Shober Gray diary, R. Stanton Avery Special Collections, NEHGS. [[2]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref2) Mary Gray’s close friend Laura Elizabeth Howe (1850–1943), who married Henry Richards in 1871. [[3]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref3) The diarist’s daughter Mary Clay Gray (1848–1923). [[4]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref4) Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde (1854–1900), the author of *Poems* (1881), was on a wildly successful lecture tour of the United States organized by the impresario Richard D’Oyly Carte. [[5]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref5) Algernon Charles Swinburne (1837–1909), author of *Poems and Ballads* (1866). [[6]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref6) Mrs. Gray’s neighbor Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes (Sr.) (1809–1894). [[7]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref7) The poet James Russell Lowell (1819–1891), U.S. minister to Great Britain 1880–85. [[8]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref8) Harvey D. Parker (1805–1884) opened the Parker House hotel and restaurant on School Street in 1855. [[9]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref9) Laura Richards’s mother, the poet Julia Ward (1819–1910), married Dr. Samuel Gridley Howe in 1843. [[10]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref10) Nancy Willing Spring (1820–1909) was married to William Craig Wharton 1844–91. [[11]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref11) Nancy Craig Wharton (1845?–1921). [[12]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref12) Edward Robbins Wharton (1850–1928), who was married to the novelist Edith Newbold Jones [Wharton] 1885-1913. [[13]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref13) Dr. Henry Jacob Bigelow (1818–1890), Professor of Surgery at Harvard 1849–82. [[14]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref14) At this time she was much associated with the Prince of Wales, and used the resulting réclame to go on stage: to contemporaries, both were black marks against her. [[15]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref15) Katharine Peabody Loring (1849–1943), a family connection and close friend of Mary Gray. [[16]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref16) The diarist Alice James (1848–1892). [[17]](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received?hs_amp=true#_ftnref17) The novelist Henry James (1843–1916), recent author of *The Portrait of a Lady* (1881). [View full post](https://vitabrevis.americanancestors.org/2020/06/icymi-socially-she-is-not-received) ```json { "@context" : "http://schema.org", "@type" : "BlogPosting", "author" : { "@type" : "Person", "name" : "Scott C. 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